National Coming Out Day 2008

As I now tend to say every year in this space, today, October 11, is celebrated annually by more and more people as "National Coming Out Day"; despite its name, people in many countries celebrate NCOD. First observed in 1988, NCOD marks the anniversary of the Second National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights in 1987. The official NCOD logo (at right) was created by Keith Haring. This is the 20th anniversary of its first observance!

Today seems like a good day to celebrate a few things. Yesterday, Connecticut became the third state to recognize, legally, the right of same-sex couples to marry. By "marry", of course, they refer to the civil union, recognized by the state, that grants the couple making a life together the unquestioned legal right to share their life, rights, and responsibilities. Of course, it would be difficult to get "gay married" (it seems this is the fashionable new phrase) without coming out first, but I hope it's becoming evident that living out helps other people–LGBTQ&c. or not–recognize the value and importance of these steps towards civil equality.

With that in mind, I'd like to celebrate the bloggy kind of friendship I have with the people who read here and comment and help make this a gay safe-space, where we can discuss these issues with candor and humor. It benefits more than just us.

Years ago, when I was an active participant in the usenet group soc.motss, the best online social hangout for gay and lesbian people, we had statistics that told us that while maybe 200 people were active participants, some 20,000 people regularly read what was written.* Anyway, my favorite metaphor for the group was a large and lively cocktail party: lots of noise and fun and laughter and people enjoying themselves, all looked in upon by others who would like to join the party but, for one reason or another, weren't quite ready yet. My thesis for years has been that the best way to encourage others to come out and live open is to do it oneself.

In the online world a few people speak while many, many others listen, and what they hear here can inspire self-acceptance and new-found confidence. Thanks, friends.
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*Whether I remember the statistics with any accuracy is beside my point, but perhaps Chris can help me get them correct anyway.

Posted on October 11, 2008 at 16.16 by jns · Permalink
In: All, Faaabulosity, Reflections

2 Responses

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  1. Written by chris
    on Sunday, 12 October 2008 at 13.16
    Permalink

    the remembered statistics for soc.motss sound about right to me. it's a much quieter place now. There are two trolls annoying posters who seem to be channelling rush limbagh and ann coulter, but the rest of the cocktail party has fun conversations.

    my favourite metaphor for coming out involves giraffes. it's based in the Josephine Tey detective novel The Franchise Affair. In the novel, two women living in rural England are accused of some horrendous crime, and are being socially ostracised. Their lawyer sees them one day arriving in the village and about to go for tea in the local cafe. He dashes up to them, "what are you doing? don't you know what people are saying about you?", to which one of the women responds, "Robert: if you see a giraffe once a year when you visit the zoo, it remains something to marvel at, something to point at, something unusual. If you see a giraffe every day, it becomes normal, part of your life, and unremarkable."

    The more gay people (who are in a position to do so, I realise that there are homos who have compelling reasons not to be out) come out and just live their lives explicitly, the easier it will be for – I was going to say 'for the rest of us', but I actually mean easier for all of us, straight and gay, just because the homo-giraffe is part of the everyday scenery, and unremarkable.

    so, coming out is being a giraffe.

  2. Written by S.W. Anderson
    on Monday, 13 October 2008 at 22.41
    Permalink

    Good reasoning and I like the metaphor, Chris.

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