The Gingrich Theology of Sex and Sinning

It was, for a change, a quiet evening at home. Dogs curled at their feet, Frank was reading the newspaper while Kenneth furrowed his brow over a challenging Sudoku.

Frank rattled the pages of his paper, drawing Kenneth's attention. "I was just thinking earlier about serial adulterer Newt Gingerich and his seemingly serious–to him–bid to become President. Now I read that it was his 'passion for America' that caused him to cheat on his succession of wives. That's a novel name for it, I guess. Say, maybe it was former-governor Sanford's 'passion for America' that had him out 'hiking the Appalachian trail'. Still, it doesn't seem to affect Gingrich's polling numbers much."

Kenneth paused, tilting his pencil at Frank. "Thats because he applies the Gingrich Theology of Sex and Sinning."

Frank knew better than to encourage Kenneth, but he couldn't help asking. "And that would be…?"

"Apparently you can sin as much as you like and, so long as you really beg God to forgive you he will and Jesus can still be your best friend. I'm thinking of converting myself."

"What! You would give up your cherished secular humanism, and for what…?"

"More sex, of course, plus greater happiness. See, every time you're forgiven again by God you feel a little better, knowing that you are a morally superior person. As Gingrich has demonstrated, the more sin the more forgiveness and the better you feel about yourself. So I'm going to the bar more often and try to pick up more men, and every time I have a sinful episode of sex with another man I'm going to beg forgiveness and feel a whole lot better about myself."

"I would think you'd feel wonderful. After all, Gingrich and his crowd tell us that gay sex is just about the worst sin there is, so you should experience even more forgiveness and, therefore, even greater happiness than serial-adulterer Gingrich."

"Well, you might very well think that, but it could be that one of the Commandments has to be involved. Adultery is covered, of course, but homosexuality isn't mentioned anywhere in the Commandments so it may be that God won't deliver so much forgiveness for sinful gay transgressions as he does for sinful adulterous transgressions."

"Oh dear, that could be a draw back. What can you do?"

"Sin more. I'll try to have multiple sex partners every night."

"Sounds tiring."

"May be impossible. I regret that as I grow older I have but one orgasm to give each night for my sins."

Posted on March 17, 2011 at 16.30 by jns · Permalink
In: All, Current Events, Frank & Kenneth

2 Responses

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  1. Written by S.W. Anderson
    on Wednesday, 30 March 2011 at 01.07
    Permalink

    I think you're giving Gingrich undue credit for seeking forgiveness and converting as a matter of conscience. Gingrich is a selfish, egotistical user. Using a new (to him) church would be in keeping with using a new wedding ceremony to get him what or who he wants at the moment.

    I generally avoid making judgements about how sincere others are in their religious beliefs, but I've been watching this lowlife for years. I think Gingrich believes in Gingrich, period.

  2. Written by S.W. Anderson
    on Wednesday, 30 March 2011 at 01.09
    Permalink

    Oops, I meant to include that thanks to some SOB who hacked my blog, I've had to change the subdomain. It's now ohpblog instead of wpblog in the URL.

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