Heroic Tapirs
Jesus' General is alarmed ("Death rides a two-toned tapir") about creeping, godless secularism in the public schools of Utah, and wonders whether Utah State-Senator Buttars is going far enough to stem the tide:
I was very angry when I first heard that you are introducing a bill to mandate the teaching of divine design in our schools. To me, it sounded like an attempt to sneak the homosexual agenda into our classrooms. In my mind, I pictured a three hundred pound transvestite teaching our children about the various advantages and disadvantages of using particular fabrics.
Fortunately, the General soon realized that the good senator was referring to Creationism, or, as some like to style it, "Intelligent Design".* He gets right into the swing of things then and suggests some ways that science education could be brought into line with Mormon Scripture. For instance:
And what about history? Do you know of any textbook currently used in Utah schools that mentions the fact that the Lamanites are Jewish? I bet you can't. Heck, they don't even call them Lamanites. They're referred to as Native Americans instead.
Imagine if you will, the many hours of joy we could provide to our children if we taught true, Latter Day Saint history. Kids love to hear the story of the 2000 brave stripling warriors riding their heroic tapirs into battle against their iniquitous Lamanite brethren. Why shouldn't they have the opportunity to learn about it in our schools?
He also has a few suggestions for physics and astronomy that I think should be instantly appealing to ID types.
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*Which, when you think about it, since it's only "method" is to scratch one's head and say "yep, I sure can't think of a way that could have happened, so it must have been God who done it", should probably be more aptly called "Unintelligent Design".