No Recruiting!
Having read that New York Times Magazine feature story about the zealous anti-gay soldiers marching to protect the sanctity of "traditional" marriage (right here in my home-state of Maryland, no less), Stephanie Sandberg summarizes this way:
In sum: the anti-gay-marriage activists in the Times story say they are galvanized by fear of contagion. They claim that the civil rights argument is just a means for the gay community to push its “lifestyle” agenda – there’s a remarkable consensus that being gay is more choice than reality – onto the community where it will grow, virus-like, until youngsters and others are infected by it. This will result in more than sexual-identity chaos and all manner of crazy sex; there will be marriages of multiples, perhaps including animals.
Allow two men to marry today, and tomorrow: team bestiality.
[Stephanie Sandberg, "Girl in a Bubble", The Huffington Post, 22 June 2005.]
Hmm. So really it's fear of recruiting that's motivating them? Of course! I should have seen it before!
In that case, I have the perfect suggestion that — incredibly — will satisfy both the pro-equal-rights and anti-equal-rights crowd.
We need a Constitutional Amendment that says:
- Any two consenting adults may marry; and
- No person of any sexual orientation may recruit for their team.
We homos get the sanctity of marriage as a virtuous excuse to perk up our otherwise dull, long-term relationships, and straight people who lie awake at night worrying that marriage equality is the first step on the slippery slope towards a major recruiting drive will sleep easily knowing that recruiting is now un-Constitutional!
Of course, we homos know that the idea that anyone can be recruited into the "homosexual lifestyle" is ridiculous*, so that clause is meaningless to us, but it might have the salutory effect of getting all that straight-booty-based advertising off TV.
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*Ask any gay man. All of us have seen at least one of our friends — if not ourselves — driven to the limits of obsessive frustration by falling for a straight guy; if recruitment were even remotely possible, it would be happening all the time and these unfortunates wouldn't be as frustrated as they are.