Current Affairs with Frank & Kenneth
It was morning again chez Frank & Kenneth, but a little greyer than usual because snow was in the forecast. Nevertheless, both were up and sitting in the breakfast nook, enjoying soft-cooked eggs on toast and coffee. As usual, Ken was reading interesting tidbits from the newspaper to Frank.
"I wonder whether the President has someone think up these lead-balloon phrases for him, or whether they're his own creations," Ken said.
"Such as?" asked Frank, a bit distractedly.
"Well, I'm sure you remember the debate-time phrase 'catastrophic success' to describe the debacle in Iraq that was deemed totally unexpected by the administration."
"Of course. It appears that most people decided it was catastrophic as an oxymoron, and simply moronic after all."
"Well, he's now trying out the idea that last fall's election was the 'accountability moment' for his elective war in Iraq, so we don't need to criticize him on that one anymore."
"As though there could be a statute of limitations on stupid ideas and bad decisions." Frank slurped up the last of his egg. "I suspect the ghost of Richard Nixon could offer some advice to him about 'accountability moments'. No doubt Condi Rice would have breathed easier if only she had announced a few 'accountability moments' during her confirmation hearings. Isn't it amazing that anyone clever enough to be elected to the Senate could mistake her ineptitude for apptitude?"
"You will admit that the two words do sound alike." Ken turned the page. "Oh, and speaking of accountability, it seems that the Spokane Archdiocese is declaring bankruptcy to avoid paying settlements to abuse victims. It seems that some people in Spokane are upset by this move, since they feel a need for someone to take responsibility so they can have closure."
"If it's accountability they want, I suggest that they get Donald Rumsfeld to take full responsiblity. He's good at that, and it never seems to cause him any particular problem either. Perhaps taking responsibility should be elevated to the cabinet level, and he could be named the first Secretary of Accountability."
"Speaking of the big 'A', those wacky Christians are upset again, this time because the President doesn't prioritize the constitutional amendment prohibiting gay marriage ahead of his war in Iraq."
"Oh, I have a clever solution to that dilemma. Withdraw the troops from Iraq, then divvy up the money saved from the war among all the homosexuals in America in return for a pledge not to get married this year. Sort of like subsidies to farmers not to grow certain crops. Despite the depth of my love for you, I might be able to forgo marriage to you for $250,000 a year."
"Love you too, dear, but it will be a moot point soon if they can't keep that SpongeBob repressed and in his pineapple safely away from recruitable minors. Who would have guessed he was that way?"
"I always thought his SquarePants were just a little on the twee side, myself."