Beard of the Week XV: Pride Edition

This week's beard belongs to our friend in Toronto, the faaabulous* Chris Ambidge. He is shown here# in the 2006 Gay Pride Parade in Toronto, sporting his traditional gay-pride regalia in homage to HM Elizabeth II.

No doubt this photo of him would make some people uncomfortable because of his apparel, which is a shame; in particular, it would make some gay men uncomfortable, which may be an even bigger shame. There are too, too many gay men who ruin their own lives and fight to hold their own closet doors closed to avoid being identified with them. Them in this case is any man who dresses or behaves in any way that steps outside certain narrowly drawn boundaries of putative masculine bahvior, or suggests anything about "the gay lifestyle". Hence, anything that might suggest cross-dressing, S&M, biker guys, effeminate guys, hair dressers, a lisp, a swish, a limp wrist…. The list is lengthy and fully known only to the paranoid in the closet.

The universal reaction: "But I'm not like that!" I've known — still know — too many men who think like this, even men who believe they are well-adjusted, self-accepting gay men. They're usually easy for me to spot because I was once like that, too. Maintaining that attitude takes a lot of work and it's a lot of nonsense.

We know, of course, that identifying enemies and emphasizing their differences from us is thought vital in prosecuting a war. The same seems to be true in individuals: the gay man who distinguishes and dissociates himself from "the gay lifestyle" (a very large chimera. used by so many in so many cultural skirmishes) is fighting a battle to maintain his own denial. How this could possibly be healther than simply coming out is difficult to see, but personal vision from inside the closet is notoriously nearsighted.

When I finally came out, for real, and accepted myself just the way I am, my transition was accompanied by — perhaps even caused by — a change in perception. When I could look at all those people whom one might see in a Gay-Pride parade and see, not how I was different, but how I was the same as each and every one, then I finally felt like I had begun to integrate all of myself into a whole, complete human being. After the fact, it seemed like all it took was a change in perspective, as thought life before had been an optical illusion.

I have no reason to think that my own path is the universal path, but I suspect we all could contribute to improving our world if we could see our similarities as easily as we seem to see our differences.
———-
*Another friend tells a story about a teacher, a person of some flamboyance, in an exchange with some young children. The teacher yells out: "How many 'A's in fabulous?" The children respond: "As many as you want!"

#The photo is from Pride-Celebration coverage by Fab, the Toronto "Gay Scene Magazine".

Posted on August 7, 2006 at 17.02 by jns · Permalink
In: All, Beard of the Week

2 Responses

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  1. Written by Man Beard Blog
    on Thursday, 10 August 2006 at 02.19
    Permalink

    My that is a splendid beard that fellow is wearing… wait a minute why is he in a Princess outfit? Oh god he's gay? How can this be? Gays and Man Beards don't go together.

    Don't tell your readers that beards and gay can go together because Jesus says they cannot!

  2. Written by chris
    on Friday, 11 August 2006 at 22.08
    Permalink

    oh aren't you kind to say nice things about my beard. I can assure you that it's home grown, and has occupied my chin since the summer of 1977 (of course, not quite as white when it began).

    I'm NOT in a princess outfit, though, I'm being [THE] Queen. I've given my famous impression of Her Majsty for at least six years now, annually in the Toronto Pride parade.

    My staff slipped up this year and there were no proper photos of moi taken – which is why I was so pleeezed that Fab took and published quite a good one, which Our Lovely And Glamorous Blog Hostess promoted to BOTW.

    Here's one from a couple of years back. It shows more of the outfit.

    The tiara I'm wearing in 2004 became a little fragile, so one of my loyal subjects gave me a new one this year, which you see in the BOTW photo. as for the rest of the drag, you'll notice that it includes trousers (black that year, khaki this year), gloves, handbag, and (of course) pearls.

    I march with the Proud Anglicans contingent — well, The Queen is an Anglican, after all.

    As to that age-old question "what has she got in that handbag" — I can't speak for my sovereign, but this queen had sunblock, a camera, and kleenices.

    As I make my Regal Progress along the parade route, I (of course) Queen-wave to the crowd: forearm vertical, hand slightly dished, rotate gently back-and-forth about a vertical axis. It's quite amazing how many queen-wave back to me. What can I say? Elizabeth Windsor is a wonderful teacher, it's worked for her for years.

    I assure you, my beard is quite gen-U-ine, and I'm personally as gay as an Easter bonnet. Jesus told me!

    thanks again to Jefe for featuring lil-ol-moi.

    Chris

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