The Secret Liberal Agenda

Thanks to Boing Boing ("The Right was Right about the Left."), I now know that all the secrets of the hidden liberal agenda for the new congress have now been exposed (The Right was Right). Ah well, it's too late now, so let's get on with it!

There are twenty-five action items. I doubt that they can all be taken care of in the first 100 hours, but it seems worth a try. Sure, I won't list them all, but here are the ones (particularly number 23!) that caught my funny bone:

1. Mandatory homosexuality

4. Border fence replaced with free shuttle buses

7. English language banned from all Federal buildings

11. On-demand welfare

14. Pledge of Allegiance in schools replaced with morning flag-burning

23. Ban Christmas: replace with Celebrate our Monkey Ancestors Day

Posted on November 8, 2006 at 23.53 by jns · Permalink
In: All, Laughing Matters

4 Responses

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  1. Written by rightsaidfred
    on Thursday, 9 November 2006 at 05.31
    Permalink

    They left a few out: 26) Mandatory ball gags and naked dog piles with underwear on their heads for all Republicans.

    27) Punitive damage awards against any business will be pegged at infinity.

    28) The victim multiplier will be instated, i.e. if you belong to an approved minority status group, you get 2x the salary/entitlement payment and 2 votes in the next election. Substance abusers will get 3x. Those with gender identity problems will get a 2.5 multiplier. Those who have to drive by a church and have their religious sensibilities upset will get 5x. Illegal aliens get 8x. Exclusion from the list is not a reason to claim victim status.

  2. Written by jns
    on Thursday, 9 November 2006 at 17.06
    Permalink

    Nice contributions, Fred. But be careful — there may be some people who would feel that giving extra votes to some minorities might be suitable reparation for those times when they weren't allowed to vote.

    I think I'd concentrate on pithiness, too; #26 has a certain poetry to it that's undeniable.

  3. Written by S.W. Anderson
    on Thursday, 9 November 2006 at 18.58
    Permalink

    Now that this has come up, it occurs to me that if hard-core radical-right types really believed even 75 percent of their own rhetoric, they'd be relocating to some South American plutocracy where society and the political system are structured more to their liking.

    BTW, mandatory homosexuality will never work. Why? For the same reason mandatory heterosexuality hasn't.

  4. Written by S.W. Anderson
    on Thursday, 9 November 2006 at 19.02
    Permalink

    Come to think of it, that item about shuttle buses for illegal immigrants doesn't work. It sounds more like what Bush and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce want than what liberals want.

    Now, if it said promote unionization of all alien workers it might ring true.

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